Kitchen coq-ups!

  

 

Of late I have been clumsier than usual in the kitchen. Thank goodness I have a sense of humour, that is all I can say. Because the latest disasters have been on a fairly surreal scale.

Recently some good friends asked me to make salted caramel brownies for their wedding dessert – enough for 100 people. No problem, I said. I’ve made hundreds of these over the past few years. But for some reason the trusty hardwearing plastic bowl I had always used to melt the chocolate in, using the bain marie method, decided to melt itself over the edge of the saucepan, filling the kitchen with lovely chemical fumes. Then the melted chocolate inside it escaped into the seething heat below via a melted hole in the base of the bowl, burning and crusting into an angry black carbonised layer on the saucepan base. I had actually left the room for a few moments (duh) and on my return almost wept to see the mess, and the waste of good chocolate. Scarier, though, was the thought that I could have poisoned the wedding guests with melted plastic in their brownies. What a total plonker I was thinking that a plastic bowl would have ever done well for the job of melting the chocolate and butter mixture, but it served me well for several years despite this gap in my brain. Jesus!

Today I decided to make an industrial quantity of coq au vin, since a friend gave us a massive bladder of red wine and we’ve been making lots of wine-based food. Nice. It’s also a great thing to have something large to bung in the freezer and eat on nights when we are too tired to cook. I found a great recipe and got going. There were lots of components to the dish – infusing and reducing the wine, browning the chicken pieces in butter, peeling vast amounts of shallots, scraping leaves off a bush of thyme and so forth – it’s no wonder my brain was a bit addled by the time I got to strain the wine through a colander. I then dropped the pan of wine onto the colander because it was a bit heavy, which then smashed the ceramic bowl beneath it, causing the 1.5 litres of wine that I had been reducing for OVER AN HOUR to pour down the sink amid smashed pieces of porcelain. Poor hubby was dispatched to fetch another load of cheap red plonk, and I had to start that part all over again. I then burnt myself when a hot piece of butter fat spat itself out of the pan at my face, and hubby had to administer an ice cube wrapped in a cloth to a small burn…needless to say, the later part of the recipe where I had to set fire to some cognac poured over the chicken made him very nervous (actually he mainly did this bit for me)…

Chicken + cognac + fire = this:

 

Perhaps at the moment I can only be trusted to make toast – oh, wait, I burned that at the weekend too…spectacular plumes of smoke rose from the toaster, breakfast had to be started again…

I am taking my poor friends C and M some lunch tomorrow, and if they read this they might think twice!

Anyone else going gaga in the kitchen? I don’t want to feel too alone with my ineptitude…I must now go and singe something in the oven…

Blackberry and cassis compote

     

Not known for my love of raiding a JD Sports for a pair of crap trainers, I prefer to do non-aggressive form of looting: foraging for free fruit. It’s not stealing as such, it’s just picking fruit off the bushes, but not having to pay for it. I probably sound like a smug middle class bore. Oh well – at least I haven’t set fire to someone’s house or mugged someone for no good reason. (Come on London, grow up!)

So having just come into possession of a terrifyingly overgrown garden, which has triffid-like brambles, I have had my paws on the blackberries for the last few weeks. They are ripe right now, and even though it feels a little early in the year to be picking them, the strange hot/wet weather we’ve had means that they have ripened early. Brambles grow literally everywhere, from urban spaces to country lanes, so get out there and loot some free fruit while it lasts – it feels really satisfying to see the berries glistening beadily in the sunshine, then popping them into a tub, knowing that less tasty versions are being flogged in supermarkets for silly money.

All I have done with the berries recently is make them into a sort of compote, laced with a little booze and sugar. Delicious served with thick Greek yoghurt (I use Total full fat), or draped onto scoops of vanilla ice cream.

You will need:

600g (ish) blackberries
About 2 tablespoons golden caster sugar
Creme de Cassis (blackcurrant) liqueur (I use the French Gabriel Boudoir of Dijon one)

Take your blackberries and rinse well, removing all bits of twig, grit and cobweb. Let them drain for a little while in a colander. Tip into a heavy based saucepan and sprinkle over the golden caster sugar and 2 capfuls of cassis (or more, depending on how boozy you like your berries, but don’t add too much more because it will overpower the flavour of the blackberry).

Simmer over a low heat for about 8 minutes, stirring occasionally, until you have a bit of bubbling up and a dark purple syrup. They are ready to go! Let them cool down.

You could use the compote mixed with apple for an awesome crumble or pie, or even strain it to make ice cream (which I intend to do soon, watch this space).

You could also make a refreshing drink with a spoonful of compote at the bottom of the glass, topped with fizzy water:

 

I have also foraged these elderberries – anyone got any idea what I can do with them? I hear that if you eat too many of them, they have a laxative effect!

All I want…

…is one of these* installed in my house – probably at my bedside:

 

 

Can anyone help? Surely every home should have one…

 

* Failing having a champagne button at one’s bedside, go instead to Bob Bob Ricard in Soho, where every booth has one of these charming additions for your amusement.

While you're there, you could press the champagne button as much as you can get away with, and also put one of these cake assortments into your face:

I'm such a greedy mare!

Spuntino

Some days I just cry out to do something that feels a little spontaneous. I’ve been going through a soul-sapping house move, and it seems as though every evening has been filled with endless boring domestic tasks, so much so that I sometimes can’t remember what it feels like to have a night off and do something fun just for the HELL of it… I decided that the perfect antidote to this was to have a meal out in Soho somewhere fun where you could feel responsibility slipping off your shoulders. (yeah I know it’s not exactly skydiving on acid, but we do what we can!) So I picked Spuntino – a rather groovy newish place that raises two fingers to sensible planning, because it doesn’t take reservations and doesn’t have a phone number. Hah – feeling daringly spontaneous already!

It’s situated on the rather seedy Rupert Street , and the only clue to its name is a small chalk scribble on the front of the building. Inside it’s very much like a New York bar – tiled walls, zinc counter, low wattage bulbs hanging down from the ceiling, trendy good looking bar staff with beards/flatcaps/Scandinavian cheekbones. There is the happy roar of chatter and loud music, the atmosphere is laid back. You have to queue up, but as long as you’re happy to have a chinwag and a drink to kill the time for 30 mins or so, you’ll be fine. Mind you, we did arrive at 7pm, and by the time we left a couple of hours later, the queue was snaking out of the door…

The food is basically what you could call American ‘tapas’-style comfort food – by which I mean it comes in small plated portions, which is great if there’s two of you because you can try lots of different things on the menu. I don’t recommend trying to come here in a larger group, because you will all be sitting in a row at the counter and it’s hard to chat.

It’s entirely possible to consume a week’s worth of calories in one sitting at Spuntino, because the food is not for the faint of heart – it’s cholesterol-laden goodness mainly of the deep-fried-molten-cheese variety, with the requisite burgers and cheesecakes, but all done with a novel twist. I’d imagine many a happy American ex-pat coming here for a taste of New York and not being disappointed.

Here is what we ate…

Clockwise, from top: pulled pork slider with pickled apple (tender meat, tart apples and a soft bun - yum), eggplant chips with fennel yoghurt dip (very interesting flavours, fresh tangy dip), deep fried olives (these were stuffed with meat and tasted wonderfully of pizza crackers!), soft shell crab with Tabasco mayo (slightly over-crunchy crab, but tasty nonetheless):

 

    

 

Truffled egg toast – ooh la la, this was SEXY. The poshest cheese on toast tasting of truffles, with a runny egg in the centre. Filth!

 

 

Mac ‘n cheese – lordy, this was AMAZING. It was like a rich, creamy hug in a bowl, with a lovely crispy topping. It nearly finished us off – I could feel my arteries hardening with every delicious scoop. I nearly couldn’t finish it, but gave myself a talking to:

 

 

To not save room for dessert would have been a sin, even though I could feel that the savoury items I had consumed contained enough fuel to keep the UK alight on the National Grid for a week. So soldiering on, we ordered this pair of beauties…

Peanut butter jelly sandwich: woah, this is a very clever dessert. The slices of ‘bread’ are actually two slabs of peanut butter-flavoured ice cream, sandwiched by a tangy raspberry filling and sprinkled with crunchy sugary peanut brittle. Sensational – and I’m not usually that fond of peanuts:

 

 

Brown sugar cheesecake with drunken cherries: simply a lovely cheesecake with the mellow flavour of brown sugar, complemented perfectly by the booze-soaked cherries:

 

 

After this gastronomic blow-out I fell into the heaviest sleep imaginable (a lard coma) and felt full for a whole 24 hours afterwards! If you are going to Spuntino for a heavy sesh, take a defibrilator…

 

Spuntino
61 Rupert Street
Soho
London W1D 7PW

Gazpacho soup, two ways

Oof – this hot weather in London has been lovely. And I have craved cold soups like nobody’s business, because the thought of heating up the oven or stove has been too much in the muggy heat. I have always been a bit obsessed with the Spanish cold soup, gazpacho, and thought I’d include two recipes below – one using the traditional tomato as its base, and the other made with roasted beetroot.

Beetroot Gazpacho Soup

This is quite a different style of gazpacho which tastes earthy and sweet from the beetroot, and is delicious garnished with a dollop of minty yoghurt. A great use of beetroot, which I often struggle to use up…

Serves 6 as a generous starter

You will need:

10 medium beetroots
Half a medium red onion
1 large clove garlic, minced
1 green chilli
1 large handful flatleaf parsley
1 large cucumber, peeled
10 tablespoons red wine vinegar
3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil
Salt and pepper to taste
Handful of fresh mint, finely chopped
5 tablespoons thick plain Greek yoghurt (such as Total)

Peel the beetroots, chop into small chunks and spread out into one thin layer in an oven dish. Toss them in oil and a bit of salt, then tightly cover the dish with aluminium foil and roast in an oven for 1 to 1.5 hours at 200C, or until tender and you can pierce easily with a knife. Set aside the beetroot to cool down completely.

Take a large mixing bowl, chop all the remaining vegetables up into chunks, roughly chop the flatleaf parsley and chuck everything into the bowl. Add the vinegar and oil, then pulverise to a puree with a hand/stick blender – add some water if you need to loosen up the texture. The resulting mixture should be quite thick. Season to taste and chill in the fridge overnight, then just before eating, remove from the fridge, season to taste again (add a bit more vinegar if you like) and put into bowls. Finely chop the mint, mix into the Greek yoghurt, and add a dollop of the herby mixture on top of the soup. Really nice served with some grilled halloumi cheese and toasted rustic bread slathered in olive oil – the sweetness of the beetroot and the saltiness of the cheese is amazing.

Tomato Gazpacho Soup

A great starter to kick off a barbecue or any meal eaten outdoors. Dedicated to Ali and Pippa – you can stop hassling me for the recipe now! ;o)

(Sorry, no photo for this – we ate it too quickly…)

Serves 6 as a generous starter

You will need:

6 large ripe red tomatoes
1 medium green pepper
1 medium red pepper
1 large cucumber, peeled
2 cloves of garlic, minced
Half a medium red onion
2 green chillies (I like the soup to have a bit of a kick)
A couple of slices from a stale white sourdough loaf
Extra virgin olive oil, about 10 tablespoons
600ml water
Red wine vinegar, about 6 tablespoons, or sherry vinegar if you’re feeling posh
Salt and pepper to taste

Take a large mixing bowl. Chop all the vegetables up into dice. Chuck them into the bowl, add the oil, and add 3 tablespoons of the vinegar, then add half the water. Take a hand blender (stick blender) and plunge it into the veg – whiz everything up into a thick soup, which you want to remain a little rough in texture – it’s nice as a rustic soup. Keep adding water as you go, depending on how watery some of the veg are, you might not need all 600ml. Taste – add the remaining 3 tablespoons of vinegar if you want it to be a bit zingier. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Chill overnight in the fridge – this allows all the flavours to develop. The next day, just before serving, remove it from the fridge and taste it – if it needs a bit more vinegar or seasoning, add it in now. Serve chilled and enjoy – just don’t breathe on anyone immediately afterwards unless they have been eating the same soup too, it’s pretty ‘phwoar’ garlicky!